Murder in Colorado

Senseless slaughter at the hands of a deranged madman turns a harmless fan event into a night of terror, mourning and loss.

I often don't write about current events in this post. The folks over at CNN, the Huffington Post, CNN, FOX News and MSNBC have all that on lock down. But I'm compelled to share my thoughts in light of this past week's tragic shooting of innocent movie-goers in Aurora, CO.

Every aspect of this horrifying tragedy is a stomach-churning study of an American society victimized by it's own underpinnings and yet, at every corner there are hopeful glimpses of humanity and fellowship that brings as many joyful tears as the sorrowful ones already shed.

Machinations of a madman

Whack job...

What we know (so far) is that suspected shooter, James Holmes, a disturbed 24-year old neuroscience student had entered a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises with the intent of hurting and/or killing as many people as possible on the evening of 07/19/2012. This pre-meditated attack was meticulously planned with automatic weapons, shotguns, SWAT team armor and tear gas.

When the shooting stopped and the innocents were victimized, 12 people lost their lives and scores of others were wounded in the town of Aurora, Colorado. Holmes, who was caught in the parking lot of the theater, warned police of a series of explosive traps in his apartment and as he took on the persona of "The Joker", the famed fictional antagonist of the The Batman.

The Joker? Really, dude?

Media frenzy

Almost as soon as the news of this horrible tragedy broke, the questions of gun control, the moral fabric of society and the ethics behind movies like the Batman series came under scrutiny by everyone closed-minded, misinformed, over-opinionated idiot… uh.. expert that the news outlets could muster.

Should we have better gun control laws? How can Hollywood continue to make such violent films that have obvious consequences? How can we develop ways to protect our citizens form such outbreaks in the future? If more private citizens had been carrying guns, would  this have even occurred? Should the Department of Homeland security get involved. Should we ban costumes off people attending moves and trade show?

Could we all slow down for a moment here, please?
Lack of security did not kill those people in Colorado, neither did the status of gun control legislation or even the eccentric use of costuming at a harmless fan event.  This was the deliberate, premeditated action of one mentally ill man who would have found a way to harm a large group of people one way or another. Whether it was a state fair, a Saturday at the mall or a church. It wouldn't have mattered. He was determined to hurt as many people as possible and that is the beginning, middle and end of the story. I condemn Holmes for his cowardice, I fear for this man's callous disregard for the lives of us all and I mourn for the unnecessary loss of innocent lives.

Humanity rises

Stories of waived hospital expenses for the shooting victims, the ultimate sacrifice of those who took bullets to shield loved ones and of even Warner Brothers and movie star Christian Bale stepping up to show support are heart-lifting. Mr. Bale went to visit some of the victims in Colorado hospitals. Relief funds have been set up for victims and their families and an outpouring  of sympathy and support (like this post) on behalf of all the lives this terrible act of cowardice has touched.

The wrap up

I've shared with my children that they should not be fearful of going out to the movies. We should not rely on the Department of Homeland Security to tell us what and where is safe and we should not blame comic culture for Holmes' actions. Blame a sleep-walking society who missed every cue (and there were many!) of this man's building psychosis. Blame the lack of fail-safes that were not in place to stop someone this disturbed from getting, not only tear gas, but automatic rifles and police-issue SWAT tactical armor! 

Just don't blame "The Joker" from the Batman comic books folks... he doesn't exist.

Farewell to all the souls lost and shattered lives in the wake of the shooting. You all had come out to support a fan-fiction event, one I hold near and dear to my heart. As fans, as fellow citizens and as human beings–we are all tied together and I am saddened by your lives ending when they should not have.

Godspeed to you all of you on your journey beyond this–I know there is more than just this life. My prayers and thoughts for the loved ones you have left behind. You are loved and you will be missed. 

BUSTED!

"Can you hear me now?!"

Modern technology helps tip me off to what my children are REALLY up to!

While I am not convinced that the end of days is coming (it is 2012 after all), I am convinced that our world has changed so drastically, so quickly, that we all are left reeling to try and keep up and to stay at least one step ahead of the perils of modern technology.

And now, my kids can say the same.

Three recent events have put my kids on high alert status–and seriously has them looking over their shoulders. Not for big brother, but for Big Poppa!

"I love it when you call me Big Poppa.."

No not the ghost of The Notorious B.I.G. (R.I.P.), no today's tech in the hands of plugged in, hyper connected, digitally aware hi-tech parent hasn't had kids this scared since the dreaded parent/teacher conference. Check out these three instances of on-line detective work from yours truly that has all four of kids copping plea bargains for getting caught in the act.

Busted Case Study #1: A revealing set of Hooters. Recently during a school vacation week, my daughter Jessica and and one of her younger brothers, Antonio asked if they could go to the Phoenix (AZ) Art museum with some friends. Wednesday afternoons are free admission and it seemed like a good way to get them out of my house and suck up someone else's AC for a change. What they neglected to share was that they were also meeting a number of Jessica's (High School-aged) friends for a birthday party at Hooter's in Downtown Phoenix, followed by playing in the elevator banks of several downtown Phoenix office towers. How did Dad find out? Her friends posted the revealing set of pics on FaceBook and tagged her and her brother in the photos. Nailed!

Busted Case Study #2: Boxed in by XBOX. I have the family's XBOX 360 in my bedroom under lock and key, so that my children don't all out destroy it. Presently my family has lost a Wii, an (original, black) XBOX console and a PSP all in the span of a few months. Electronics cringe when one of my children are nearby.

Recently, while updating my iPhone XBOX App, I noticed that the APP had  shown that my 14-year-old son's identity was active online–while I was at work! I called him to ask why and he denied any wrong doing, but then suddenly, not only did his cell phone conveniently "die" at that very moment, but his status changed instantly from ONLINE to OFFLINE. He had later confessed that he and his siblings broke into my room and had been playing the game for months. Gotcha!

"Oh, hi Dad! This oh, uh... it's research–!"

Busted Case Study #3: Where's all my lotion? Internet access is quite limited at this single Dad's house since young, impressionable minds (and fingertips) are far too curious to be left to their own devices and (ahem) destinations. On those few occasions when I trusted my imperial progeny to 'do the right thing' I was treated to a tidal wave of sexy naughtiness and fornication service requests on my living room browser. When I checked the browser's history–you guessed it–I uncovered a veritable who's who of porn destinations. Since then, internet access has been severely restricted, though the number and frequency of daily showers per boy in my home has tripled.

Oh and I am well aware that they can erase said URL history but you can contact your ISP for a list of destinations recently visited by your computer's ID. Served!

I'm well aware that my children and other family members are reading this blog. And as I am always quick to point out, when you stuff wrong kids, you eventually caught.

So I ask you, is it worth it? Really?

Toilet Talk

This photo is... flush left.

You'd be surprised by the crap people say… while on the crapper.

We've all suffered through it. The ramblings of people who are waaaay too chatty in community, corporate and public bathrooms. I'm not just talking about the guy (or girl if its the ladies room) who continues a conversation even after you have selected your favorite stall.

No dear reader, I am referring to the yahoos who sing while pinching a loaf. Who continue, work or in-depth conversations while launching a fleet of subs or who answer phones calls while sending the Cleveland Browns to the Super Bowl. It's unsettling, tacky and gross… if not just a hair funny.

Toilet time is just not a time to chat. Brood? Maybe. Meditate? Possibly. Read? Absolutely! Why, you may even be able to squeeze in a level or two of angry birds while you squeeze out… other things. So, hang-on to your danglers, kids, it's Arth Vader's top five culprits and dodo's and don'ts for the shared bathroom etiquette:

"Almost... there..."

1. The Grunting Bombardier. This guy's the worst, having a body-rattling colon cleanse while he continues conversations either on his cell phone or with a buddy. co-worker or even complete stranger in the next stall.

2. The Ankle-Grabbing Crooner. Listen, I love when someone has music in them (among others things) but do you need to share your melodic tendencies while releasing the python? Seriously, singing while on the potty is just plain… wrong. This also applies the cousin of the Ankle-Grabbing Crooner, The Ankle-Grabbing Tuner. This rocket scientist goes into the stall with their iPod headset so loud, people in the next building are tapping their feet.

Please, stop.

That's how I roll.

3. The Chat and Squat Diaries. Every colon-busting, under-achieving sub-human commits this arguably worst of all shared bathroom atrocities: answering the cell phone while on the porcelain throne! Example; "Hi honey, how's your day? (groans) Oh me? Work's ok–hey, did you (grunts, than a splash) pick up those pastries for Grandma's coming out party on Sunday (groans)? No… no it's no problem, I can grab them on the way (more splashes) home." I can't help but think the person on the other end of the call is saying "… wow, really?"

4. Musical Deliveries. Hey, I'm the first to acknowledge that when you gotta go, you gotta go. But, if you're in your stall and your… movements, sound like a thousand pebbles dropping into a pond for five seconds or more–please, change your diet! Or at least try and time your time bowel releases to be at home or where they psychologically damage the fewest bathroom visitors.

"No, I did NOT watch 'Storage Wars' last night... now SHHH!"

5. The No-Urinal-Is-Sacred Gossip Buddy. You're standing at the urinal and this gold-medalist in disturbing behavior begins a conversation that doesn't stop! Riveting topics like Sports-Center news, directions to a pub or scientific breakthroughs on laundry detergent–no topic is too trivial. Just be sure not to irrigate your shoes in a crazed furor trying to get away from this lunatic.

Sorry, I don't mean to–uh... dump on these dimwits but it's high time we wiped out (sorry) these boneheaded bathroom barbarians. Sometimes, I just need a little quiet time in the stall... is that too much to ask?

There be giants!

"Please sir, no photos of giant man's crotch."

In a home with three teenage and preteen boys… the only thing I can do now is look up. 

I knew the day would come. The day when my little boys, became… well, bigger. Not yet men, but definitely NOT boys anymore. Their voices are all changing, they eat like a ravenous pack of wolves and they continuously grow out of their clothes like it's a bad running joke. I'm just not laughing.

Giant thoughts. Discussions about which super hero I would rather be or who would win; The Empire or The Borg have not yet gone away but are now interspersed with discussions about which swim suit models are hotter; Maxim or Sports Illustrated.

Then of course, there's the matter of porn.

"resisting pop culture is futile..."

Every computer and phone in their world has attempted to access 'nudie' pics, sex sites and adult sexual content of every kind. Governing this access–and policing it– is a full time job. It mortifies the boy's Mom and their sister dry heaves every time the subject is brought up. As a parent, my job is to monitor this behavior and make sure it is clear–beyond any shadow of a doubt–that this stuff only gets into your head and quickly becomes an obsession. But that, as any Conan (The Barbarian) comic book would say, is another tale.

Giant confusion. The world is a confusing and intimidating place for today's young people. Lots of revisionist history (like Sherlock Holmes stopping World War I or that Abraham Lincoln declared war on the Southern Confederacy because they held an alliance with Vampires), lots of mixed messages about the road to adulthood, sexuality, education, politics, nutrition and morality.

"um, how do I turn the page again...?"

I can't imagine the world makes much sense to today's young people–although that at least is consistent with the world view from when I was their age. Modern music is wrought with keyboards, synthesizers and re-mixes. Movies are re-imagined or re-booted. Books are read on tablet devices (like iPads) and video games are a part of–or replacement for–recreation. Everything is fast-food, push-of-a-button and instantaneous. There are 500 channels, free online games and Smart phones more powerful than the computer systems that sent Astronauts to the moon in the 1960's.

Giant aspirations. And that brings me to back to real-life. Today's generation (they are "millennials" at last note) have role models that are rappers, actors and athletes who have entourage's and tons of 'hotties'. Everyone wants to be an entrepreneur and satisfaction in anything needs to be instantaneous. I have endless discussions with my kids over what career will make them the most money. Very little conversation about the meaning of work or having an understanding of a fulfilling career.

My kids: their future–our world. Giant Expectations.

But, alas, there is promise for tomorrow. My daughter, who has an incredible aptitude for art–painting, illustration and photography–has aspirations of being a Marine Biologist. My eldest son is fascinated by law (after a glorious career in the NBA!). One of the twins harbors a passion for medicine, inquiring about Harvard Medical school and at age 11 had in-depth inquiries about cardiovascular surgery. The other twin shows incredible compassion for animals and is considering veterinary science–after a career in the military and/or the NBA. Hey, they can dream can't they?

With an abundance of distractions, mixed messages from society and rampant levels of ADD and ADHD to contend with, I am surprised these kids can even spell the things they are discussing about their futures. As we all know, life has a funny way of helping us decide the course of our fate, but with bright eyes and ambitious goals at heart–well their future just might have some promise. Daily, I look to the heavens and give thanks for their health, ambition and smile at the prospects of tomorrow for each of them. For all I know, they may all just might be giant men (and one woman) who vastly underperform.

But who knows, in the end, they might be giants.

The Shuffling Dead

In cubicles, supermarkets and post offices across America, the undead walk among us.

I have got to admit, there are few guilty pleasures more satisfying than watching AMC's The Walking Dead. If you haven't seen the show–oh man!–you gotta watch it. Based on the highly graphic and incredibly ground breaking Image Comics series, the story describes how a killer disease covers the world and causes the dead to re-animate into human flesh-devouring monsters that prey on the living. They are brainless, animal-like brutes whose sole motivation is to devour every living thing in their path. They communicate in a mindless, unintelligible series of grunts and snarls. The really scary part about it is the "walkers" (or Zombies) aren't very different from our world's everyday brainless buffoons.

I'll bet you've met a few them already.

There's something going on in American society these days. Something horrifying, something so unspeakably twisted, it defies description. It is the common, widely held belief that many people have that makes them believe they are the only ones in the world. Or on the road. Or in line. Or watching a movie in a theater.

Just like the book "How to survive a Zombie Apocalypse" (also a fun web site you can visit here), there are things you can do to avoid an unpleasant demise at the hands of these re-animated dopes. In fact, modern living in the early 21st century gives us insight of how to identify the dark and gruesome days to come, should a Zombie uprising occur. 

Here are five common Zombies in everyday life we can identify–and defeat!–if we are prepared. Remember, identification is the first key to survival!

1. Mindless Road Fiends (MRF's). You've seen them, these undead ghoulies drive as though they are the first, last and only ones on the road. They see you coming down the road and speed out in front of you–causing you to stand on your breaks, only to reach a blinding top speed of 12 miles an hour right in front of you. As they bumble along in front of you with complete disregard for you and all their fellow drivers. 

How to defeat MRF's: The mindless road fiend is both clueless and dangerous. Get away from it as fast as your acceleration will (semi) legally allow! As you blaze past this lumbering loss of life, you can hammer-down on your horn. This will seriously disorient and confuse said brainless drone.

2. Supermarket Line Loafers (SLL's). You have a cart full of groceries, you're already exhausted from the day and the undead people magazine aficionado in front of you is hungrily destroying what few lingering brain cells they have left with an extended review of the latest goings on in US Weekly, Soap Opera Digest or the journalistic monolith known as the National Enquirer. When you ask them to politely move ahead (when the thorough throat clearing and impatient shuffling doesn't work) they turn and give you the soul-melting stare of defiance. 

How to defeat an SLL: There are two paths you can take to overcome this adversary. First, scream "Oh my God! Lean Cuisine just went on sale in the Frozen Food isle!" This is the primary source of sustenance for the Line Loafer. Just be sure to avoid the stampede. Your other option is to smack the magazine out it's hands and in the ensuing chaos and groaning, skirt your cart around them. Unorthodox but effective.

"Hey is that on sale?"

3. Chatty Chaos Bringers (CCB's). This is one of the undead all-stars here. Pick your favorite store or to-go food stop. Its busy, you have two items and you just want to go, but the clueless social invalid in line in front of you decides to strike up a riveting conversation about the weather or the soaring price of tomatoes and asks the cashier all kinds of life-altering questions like where does the store get it's paper from for its bags. Time to take action!

How to defeat CCB's: You can short-circuit the worthless brain of this walking terror by simply interjecting non sequiturs into their inane banter. This will result in more moaning and other bodily noises. Don't despair, stay the course. Example: "Did you know that all dog breeds are derived from the canine lupus phyla? This means all dogs are essentially wolves–!" Enjoy the witless grimacing that ensues... 

4. The TV Terror Talker (TTT). Often identified by discussing television shows like "The Real Housefraus of Berwin" or "So you think you can Cha-Cha?", this undead nightmare could infest your own family! Usually waxing idiotic by discussing ANY TV show you happen not to be watching, they can drone on endlessly. Caution! They can chat for hours and suck you in to their endless vortex of mind-numbing reality show prattle. Resist–they are trying to convert you!

"For the last time, I HATED LEGO Indiana Jones–!"

How to defeat Triple T's: The best defense here is to begin brandishing an invisible remote control and in an over-exaggerated motion pretend to point it at them while trying to change the channel–inches from their nose. Soon, silence will be yours once more!

5. Moronic Movie Monster. Perhaps the most deadly of all, this unseemly beast inhabits almost every movie house in the lower 48 states. Often known to discuss the finer points of their domestic lives, favorite recipes and offer play-by-play critiques of the feature film real-time, this brain-dead, life-less husk can ruin even the most timid movie-going experience. Dispatch with extreme prejudice!

How to defeat Triple M's: This is the granddaddy of all modern-day Zombies. You and your fellow movie-goers are best advised to put this creep out it's misery fast. You all must band together to defeat this one as a united force. Crowd around the fiend and stare at them intently and demand that the movie be paused so that the all-important conversation details can be shared by everyone in the entire theater. Since it was necessary to disrupt the film we should all hear of the fascinating turn of events of their child's play date last Saturday.

Sometimes, I think we all might be better off if a Zombie infestation broke out to let us thin out the herd. Well I can dream, can't I?

Shut that kid up!

You know the annoying kid that won't stop running his mouth during the movie? He's a real nuisance–and he's learned from the best.

"Why are they kissing?! Ewww–! Gross!"

WARNING! This rant is focused on the inexcusable behavior of parents who bring toddlers and preschoolers to movies that are inappropriate for their age group. If you are one of these parents and you don't want to hear what a crappy parent you are–please avoid this rant.

By show of hands, who here has been in a movie theater in the last six months to see a movie–meant for adults!–where some toddler is running his or her mouth asking "who's she?" or "Why did he do that?!" or laughs inappropriately too loud at events they don't even understand? If you raised your hand, then you have been the victim of social troglodytes who think none of us will notice a two-year old is watching a Rated PG13 or Rated R movie.

And they need to stand trial for their crimes against humanity.

Yes it is a free country and yes there is NOTHING keeping me in my seat when there is an annoying audience member who somehow has missed the general cues of  common behavioral etiquette. But I did not pay a $8-to-$11 single ticket price to hear your kid's inquisition of why each person on-screen is "not being nice" as they shotgun their way through a horde of zombies and/or aliens. 

"I don't like Emma Thompson–!"

Recently, a 21-year-old man was put up on felony charges for smacking the ever-loving popcorn out of the mouth of an obnoxious kid (age not disclosed) who was running his mouth, throwing popcorn and being generally unruly. You can read more here. Now I am NOT condoning hauling off and whacking some random pre-teen blabbermouth. That's not cool on every level. But deep down... way deep... we can all relate to how that guy felt.

As a parent, I'm compelled to offer three notable points to qualify my thoughts here. First, I disqualify any PG or made-for-kids flick. Anything with brightly colored characters, talking animals or inanimate objects–like cars or teapots–that have faces, are exempt. These movies are made for them. Second, while my children are all adolescents or teenagers now, I know kids can get chatty during a movie. Lastly, I fully understand that this is NOT the child's fault. Their dim-witted genetic sires thought none of us would mind if little Susie or tiny Timmy would share their thoughts on the film's finer points throughout the entire show.

"Why do they charge so much
for popcorn momma?!"

Be advised it does NO GOOD to confront these sub-human ingrates directly. They will argue with you, often right in the theater, and further disrupt the experience. You can opt to go tell one of the pimply-faced future brain-surgeons who are masquerading as ushers, but they tend to only grunt and point  toward the manager's station anyway.

The only way to get really back at these noise-makers is to hold the theater accountable, and that means putting on an unhappy face and marching ourselves, en mass, to the supervisor or manager's station and demanding a refund for the unacceptable environment created by these little prepubescent chatterboxes. It sucks of course, because the movie theater folks had nothing to do with it. But it is their job to police the audience  and keep the experiential damage caused by mouthy people to a minimum.

When we make the experience unpleasant for the movie workers, they will in-turn, make the prattling tyke in row six button his lip or even inspire their brain-deadened parents to re-consider being there in the first place. After all, there is always NetFlix. 

Let's face it, your three year old doesn't need to see a guy unload a full-Uzi clip into a crowded street trying to nail a bad guy and have 6,000 bullets miraculously miss every bystander for four blocks. Isn't it bad enough your kid's being read stories about bears eating porridge and dishes and spoons eloping?

Avengers Assemble!

"Look at the size of those opening week attendance and revenue numbers... !"

Why Marvel's The Avengers is the
greatest movie of our time!

Fast paced, insanely fun and riddled with surprisingly entertaining dialogue, Marvel Studio's "The Avengers" is about overcoming adversity and forcing wildly different personalities to work together for the greater good. But the true nature of this film's success is the real story.

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past year, you no doubt have heard about The Avengers. The story is about the overcoming of impossible odds and a snapshot of what happens when the right people work together for the greater good.

"On that day... the Avengers were born"

The super-dream team's first epic.

Spawned in 1963 by comic book legends Stan "The Man" Lee and Jack "King" Kirby, the Avengers were first thought to be Marvel's answer to rival DC Comic's 'Justice League'. Not so. Marvel simply had loads of ideas and most, like The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man and Dare Devil were overnight successes. Others, like the Hulk, Iron Man and Thor–not so much. So what to do? Put them all in a book together, of course!

The Avengers were the right concept realized at the right time. A bunch of misfit heroes jammed together where none of them were very interesting alone (at least at first) but together, they were gold!

No lie, the Avengers were hands-down my favorite comic book growing up. The array of different heroes; aliens, Gods, Demigods, Androids, Mutants, Super Soldiers, Sorcerers, even Cowboys–all came together to a lend their talents to Earth's mightiest heroes" (the Avenger's official tag line for decades). When the heat got to deep for anyone else, call the Avengers, they'll get the job done. 

(For a deeper look into the archetypes of modern man the Avengers represents, check out my analytical peak into the Avengers, here.) 

Enter the dark days.

Hey you, on the left, aren't you...?

After a bevy of overzealous printing, marketing and PR efforts while employing a slew of high-priced creative talent (some artists and writers receiving as much as a seven-figure annual salary!), along with some less-than-profitable TV and merchandising experiences, the once and mighty Marvel comics found itself considering bankruptcy by 1998. In order to save the company, Marvel sold the on-screen rights to many of their most popular intellectual properties to SONY and FOX who wanted them for the big screen.

What ensued were a series of wildly successful, if not frustratingly unfaithful movies starring each of the sold Marvel properties; The X-Men, The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Blade, The Punisher, Wolverine and Ghost Rider. All made money but none–minus perhaps the the first Spider-Man and X-MEN: First Class–stuck to the original source material, thereby never realizing their true potential. This, however, was a necessary evil. 

From the Ashes

An Iron-clad case for success...

An unforeseen side effect of the FOX and SONY hero movies was that Marvel, now flush with 5% kickback from the box office draws, began in 2004, to start their own movie production company. 

First up, Iron Man–followed by a slew of hit movies all with varied degrees of success, like Thor, The Incredible Hulk (c'mon, it was good, at least compared to the Ang Lee version) and Captain America. Establishing a track record of success paved the way to let Marvel Studios become a major force for entertainment in Hollywood and set the stage for The Avengers.

But it was not an easy, effortless road to victory. To acquire the capitol necessary to realize Avengers and the films leading up to it, Marvel had to put up the considerable value of their intellectual properties as collateral. That was a monumental risk, but it payed off. In spades!

As of this post, The Avengers has grossed more than $702 million in global ticket sales in just 11 days, the fasted to do so in movie history. 

(For a full movie review of The Avengers, visit my full movie review on my movie review site, here).

Why The Avengers Really Matters

Hey Hollywood–whose your daddy now?

The Avengers are like the UN Peace Keeping Force of comic books, with members from nearly every racial and socioeconomic strata, if not every corner of the galaxy. Heck, they even had an angry African guy called the Black Panther. This is the core of what makes the Avengers a success–their diversity. Great underlying, message but that's not even the real cherry on top.

Marvel so believed in their ability to produce better hero movies than anyone else in Hollywood, they were willing to bet the farm–double down, all or nothing–to make it happen. 

Reckless and worthy of being one of the greatest happily ever-after stories ever! Kudos to Faverau, Marvel, Whedon and the cast and crew that brought Avengers to us. 

Well done. Well done, indeed.

I don't understand why you don't understand

"How do I use Apps? Is there an App for that?"

Is technology making us all dumber–or has it just passed some of us by?  

We've all seen it. You know, when someone seems lost or clueless over the latest technology. It's the first step to fossilization, the first sign of extinction. When technology baffles you and you begin to question it's purpose or value – CONGRATULATIONS! Your place has now been officially reserved at the international museum of the obsolete.

Once you start asking the fatal line of questions; "what the hell does that App do?" or "What in the world do I need THAT for?", just plan to start throwing yourself into the nearest tar pit. When you start rolling your eyes at new social networking Apps, muttering "whatever" at TV ads promoting new gadgets and electronics or when you sigh audibly when a new web site rises in popularity that everyone else knows and loves–and you've never heard of it, that's when you'll know the end is near.

Last fall, I went to visit my Mom and I got her a new digital telephone. I programmed it and got it up and running in no time. While I was there, she wanted me to "take a look" at the combo VCR/DVD Player I got her three years earlier. She said 'it's never worked right' so I went to take a look at it. I soon discovered the problem.

It wasn't even plugged in.

"That smiley-face emoticon is mocking me!!"

I'm not kidding, it felt like I was living the punchline to a bad joke. Once we figured out this bout of rocket science, I then I tried to review with her the details of her multiple remote controls. It took more time than I care to mention and I know she absorbed approximately .08 % of what I showed her.

I won't lie, my brain is still reeling.

How about the people who have iPhones, Droids and other advanced tablets and Smartphones that are continuously amazed at the device's most basic functions. "Wow, it tells you the weather?" Really? Or one of my favorites; "I really don't even use my iPhone/Droid." Why? Why did you even get it? Get off the network and let the rest of us cruise through. We got stuff to do–!

How does one function in a our world where technology is so ingrained? I mean, every event in human history and every ounce of information you could ever need is available to us via the web. We build, maintain and establish relationships with people across the globe right from the palm of our hands and every year the means to do so are better, stronger, faster.

"Now where is the 'ANY' key?"

You can't even apply for better-than-minimum-wage jobs without an emailed PDF of your resume. One-in-four relationships now starts online and you can buy everything from shoes to groceries on your laptop, tablet or iPhone. How can you function in the world without these tools but then turn around and complain bitterly about them? I'm at a loss. Seems like there are three classic choices here; lead, follow or get out of the way.

The conclusion? Bleeding-edge technology is not for everyone. I'm an avid Apple product enthusiast, always have been–there are none better. Yet, every time I visit the Apple store, I see and hear people complaining about how "this stupid thing doesn't work right" and how "nothing happens when I try to go online…" or "I can't get this thing to see my printer!" and always–ALWAYS–the problem is user error.

Every time.

You aren't expected to be a technology genius, but there is Google, YouTube, even (gulp!) the instruction manual. Heck, Apple even provides FREE on-site user sessions on how to use their products. I just don't understand why so many people are so confused when there's so much information available to them. If you don't understand how to learn, please just–just step away.

So here's my take, if you are not plugged in–just stay that way. Seriously, it's okay. Technology is not for everyone. The rest of us have happily moved on without you. Today's tech is more robust, easier to access and more (comparatively) affordable than ever. But if you can't bother reading a 'quick-start' guide or attend a FREE usability class or even bother to plug the damn thing in–please, stop complaining to the rest of us about how worthless the technology is.

Because the rest of us are convinced that the pointless, confused and lost part of this conversation does NOT concern the technology.

Dumber & Dumber

"OMG! Like–No waaaayyy! OMG! LOL! Like, Fo' Sho!"

As far as I can tell, today's teenagers are exactly the same teenagers we were. So much for progress.

"All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again."

Every geeky sci-fi nut knows these famous words from the hugely popular ScyFy series, Battlestar Galactica (2004–2008)–and how much those words can resonate with our present-day lives. Nowhere is this more evident than in the modern lives of America's 21st century adolescents and teenagers.

Spaceman Spiff gets pawned by–Mom?

Like every generation before it, today's 11-19 year-olds believe they are the first to attempt to 'get away' with things that are against their parents wishes. You know the usual suspects; sneaking alcohol, breaking something and hiding it, stealing candy from a local drug store or super market. Or the holy grail of sneakiness; surfing porn.

Look gang, we were smart back in the day. And we were cool. We went out did stuff and got caught. Eventually. Every last one of us.

Every. Last. One.

You see, to my reckoning, approximately zero people get away with breaking the rules. Sure, sure, you can Google "unsolved mysteries" or criminals that have gotten away, blah, blah, blah. Thanks for missing the point. The point isn't to do a head count of all the sneaky, under-handed stuff we and others have gotten away with–no, dear reader, the lesson is that you will get caught. Period. Someone, somewhere knows something is wrong, I promise you.

Even if that someone is you.

An open note to America's youth. Since I know my kids and several of their friends (and teachers) read some of these posts, I thought I would take this moment to remind you all of a few things you may either not have learned or have already forgotten. Feel free to take notes (that would be copy and paste for most of you), as you review, reflect on how ANY of these thoughts might apply to you. Ready? Let's begin.

Aren't they all?

1. Naughty, naughty. Porn is is the ultimate online temptation. But did you know, today's ISP's allows parents (you know the ones that pay for and manage the internet access) to see your computer's activity online by ID number, so erasing the history in your browser does not stop us from knowing what you're up to. Also, the house's dwindling lotion supply is often another hint.

2. Busted! Store surveillance–it's been a retail fixture since the dark ages (for most of you, that means before 1985) and if you are using a five-finger discount on acquiring things like gum, candy and magazines, they know what you're doing–and soon, so will the police.

3. Whoa–go and let your light shine down. Hiding stuff under your bed? Really? You do realize this is one of the FIRST places we (parents) look when we are looking for something that's missing, right?

4. You are NOT the first ANYTHING. You are not the first child to smoke pot. You are not the first kid to steal a sip from your parent's liquor supply. You are not the first kid to watch internet porn. Speaking on behalf of all parents, we all did it–and we all got caught. You'll get caught, too.

5. Riddle me this. Every teenager over the course of human history, believes he or she knows everything, or is at least smarter than their parents/guardians/chaperones/authority figures. It's genetic. We were smarter than our folks, too. We didn't get away with anything either.

Today, teenagers have so much more to contend with then teenagers from just 20 years ago. Texting, sexting, porn, 500-channels, YouTube, Twitter, FaceBook, Pintrest and home-made drugs on top of acne, self-image concerns and raging hormones. It can be managed. Remember that your focus and your behavior determine your life.

And the choices you make have a tendency of following you for a long, long time. I know it sounds dumb but trust me.

Been there, done that.

So, not a Holiday

"It's Green Day–!"

We seem to be confused about the meaning of the word "Holiday".
Let's chat, shall we?

Ever hear people talk about their favorite holiday? It's sad. Most don't even qualify; Halloween, St. Patrick's Day, April Fool's, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day.  Folks, these are NOT holidays. They are days of observance. They are ALL relevant and important but if banks, schools and businesses are open–it's not a holiday.

I know, Mother's Day is sacred, Valentine's Day is for lovers, blah, blah, blah. I get it.

"That nice man in the big white van gave me lots of candy!"

Halloween is fun, but no matter how cool my costume is, if it's on a weekday, I still have to be to work by 8 o'clock. So, it's not a holiday. On St. Patrick's day I can wear green, eat green smell green and pee green but I still do NOT have the day off (although I know for some northern American cities like Boston, Chicago and New York– this one does come close!).

My laptop's dictionary sums it up nicely; "A holiday is a day of celebration and remembrance in when no work is done". I won't debate that many don't work on some of these days by choice but on most, you are required to show up to work. Even if your job has you working on Easter or Mother's day, they will be expecting you to show up (again, whether or not you do is your call).

Uhh...

Well said, Frankie–now back to work.

I really feel like the American mandate to avoid work (a sentiment I don't share) drives our love of 'a day off.' Why is that? Do so many of us hate our jobs that we look for every excuse in the book to get away from it?

I think it goes deeper than that.

I believe it is because Americans don't cherish their time off. Look at the weekends of people you know, or even your own. Are they spent reflecting, sleeping, doing fun things and relaxing? Mostly not. We squeeze in food shopping, laundry, kid's practices and recitals, trips to the dry cleaners and super markets and visiting with relatives we frantically scurry to get face time with.

Or even worse, we tackle chores and home improvement projects we've been putting off. The reason we put them off is because we didn't want to do them in the first place – and probably for good reason.  We identify the need, sometimes down to our core, that there is value of "me" time. Mental (NOT physical) downtime is essential and can be hugely valuable for our sanity, state of mental well-being and not to mention good for our relationships with friends, family spouses and co-workers.

Personally, I get shopping and laundry done throughout the week and I try desperately to keep the weekend chore-agenda to a minimum on the weekends. I wouldn't give up my me-time for anything–barring emergencies or the needs of those close to me–and I KNOW it makes me a better, happier person. After all, life is for the living, right?

So let's stop calling days of observance "holidays" and call them what they really are, mental time-outs. 

To be honest, I rather like the term "Me-days".