Friday, November 21, 2014

That's NOT what I said

So after 46 years on Earth, I’ve noticed some stuff. 

One of those things is the growing number of instances where people feel compelled to tell you their misunderstanding of something you just said. Then, proceed to share how amused they are by what they thought they heard, even if you’ve verified your words anyway. 

Here’s an example:

(Watching sports with someone) 
“That shot was just what the team needed–crazy luck.”

“(Giggles) Wait! What did you say?” 

“…uhh, crazy luck.”

“Haha! I though you said ‘Lazy Fuck!’ Haha!”


So, here’s how my solidly juvenile-though-middle-aged mind works. If you ask me to repeat what I said, you didn’t hear it (or I didn’t say it) correctly the first time. Fair enough. 

Yet, if I tell you what I said and why am i now subjected to listening to what you thought you heard. It doesn’t change what I said nor is what you thought I said nearly as funny, now that I know its a misunderstanding. Why would I say what you thought I said? The words don’t even make sense in context. The listener is word associating their poor hearing or my bad projection. Now I’m forced to ‘laugh-along’ with something that is marginally amusing at best. What’s worse, we both know you heard what I said, you just wanted to share your “fun,” self-manifested impromptu wordplay. 

While adults seem to do this a lot, my kids do it almost daily. Sure, I have a pet peeve about being asked to repeat myself (needlessly) but this goes way beyond that. Now I gotta pretend your audio deficiencies are comical or my ability to project my thoughts are somehow diminished. (sigh)

Maybe the next time this happens, when I’m asked “(Giggles) Haha! Wait! What did you say?” I’ll say “…lazy fuck.” Then I can watch them try and process a statement they know makes no sense whatsoever and I can revel in watching their face (and sometimes body) contort into fun and compelling shapes as they attempt to apply logic–you know, the part of the brain that should have prevailed in the first place–to a statement they knew wasn’t made. 

My slow transformation into a grumpy old guy is coming along nicely.