Thursday, January 31, 2013

Thanks for Assuming I'm A Jacka$$. Jacka$$.

If you were articulate, clear and concise, why are you asking me if what you just said 'makes any sense?' 

Pet peeve rant! I'm sure to be sent to the corner for this one. This post is all about people who have the infuriating habit of talking to me in an elitist, condescending tone. Not when they are joking or being playful–but when they want to make sure a ding-dong like me can grasp their reality-altering message. 

Yes, I'm talking to you.

When someone is having a conversation with you and they end every third sentence with; " what I'm saying making any sense?"or the abbreviated "does that make sense?" or even "can you do that for me?" or the grandaddy of them all "think you could get that done?" then you KNOW you are being pandered to. 

If you talk to other people in your world like this, with any measure of sincerity, well, you're a pretty horrible person. If you talk like this to me, save yourself the drama and the trauma of waiting for an answer. And if you get a response, just know–though it might be cordial–it will take all my restraint and personal reserve to choke back a bevy of sarcastic responses and a litany of snarky comebacks. This pandering, borderline belittling and elitist corporate-doublespeak is a byproduct of the 90's institutionalization of political correctness, manager and corporate sensitivity training and lawyer-influenced subterfuge (thanks Franklin Covey and Anthony Robbins!). It has filtered into every facet of our culture... and I am so done. 

Why on God's ever-green earth would anyone POSSIBLY need to ask me if what they just said to me makes any sense? Did it make sense to you when you said it? Did you arbitrarily slip into pig latin in mid-sentence? Did you layer hidden double-meanings and innuendo behind each of your statements? Did I fall asleep in the middle of your boring-ass little unimportant diatribe? No. It's simply a passive-aggressive way of talking down to someone  and by showing the other party you are somehow superior.

You're not. 

No one with any sense of integrity would use these terms on loved ones, a significant other or any friend or person you cared about more than a fabric stain. If you do, trust me, they secretly loathe you. I know I sure do.

I'm a college-educated man who has an above average IQ, my father was a Mensa and I read, write, draw and self-educate voraciously. I've taught college-level classes and have been asked to participate on a number of expert speaking panels. I've also taken a lot of the aforementioned courses as a manager and director (I have held both of these worthless titles, BTW).

So I'm pretty damn well positive that I "understood what you were saying" the first time around. You aren't relaying some radical bio-medical theory that will change the way we understand cellular biology. You aren't drafting and engineering an architectural marvel that needs to be broken down to me and you sure as hell aren't talking in metaphysical algorithmic code translated from long-lost hyroglifics. So please, rest assured, I'm bright enough to "get" your worthless 
little message. You could follow up with a "got it?" or even the trite "sound like a plan?" if that makes you feel better. Then, please feel free to get over yourself. 

Does what I'm saying make any sense?

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