Monday, January 23, 2012

Who are you people?

Who or what are Baby-Boomers–and when will they be going away?

If you were born between 1946 and 1964, you are what society has branded a Baby Boomer. You’ve lived through the contributions–and the assassinations–of some history’s most historic and iconic people. You’ve watched the internet rise and the Berlin wall fall. You’ve watched men walk on the moon and women walk in the sun. You've seen sound barriers smashed and color barriers thrashed. So why are so many of you such big pains in the ass?

Don’t get me wrong, your generation has set the stage for us to attain unimaginable new milestones–from science and technology to emotional honesty. So why are so many of you so damn closed-minded, resistant to change, technophobic and often downright racist? Yeah, yeah, I know, I am going to catch hell for this one. But before you grandstand and go all Matlock on me–read my words (not my lips!)–I said most of you. If you’re reading this saying “… that’s not me–!” or “… how dare you?” or maybe even, “… who does he think he’s talking about?”

Then the answer is you. I’m talking about you.

I realize the danger in making sweeping generalities about any group, trust me, but just like many of you when stating your narrow views–I just don’t care anymore.

I’m tired of statements like, ‘I miss the good old days’ or ‘we need to return to old-fashioned values’; please know you are only speaking for yourselves. Who the hell wants that? What ‘good old days’ do you mean? The days before the internet, HDTV and social media? The good old days of McCarthyism and near-fanatic levels of censorship? How about those days when women couldn’t vote, Blacks hung from trees, Asians could only cook or run drycleaners and Hispanics were second class citizens? Are those the good old days you’re talking about? You can have them. Generation X (those born between 1965 to 1976) and our children, the Millennials (born 1977 to 1998) will be forever grateful for the trails you blazed. But, just so we’re all clear, we reject your particular brand of crazy.

Spare some change? The world is a scary place, a cauldron of change. Change is inevitable and for those that need footnotes, this means you can’t stop it. So embrace it. Blacks, Hispanics, Gays, Asians, Jews, the Mentally and Physically challenged are all–and you may want to sit down for this one–people. Not punch lines to jokes or lesser beings to step on the backs of on your way to the top of whatever sick, twisted ladder you were ascending. The world has changed, so join us. C’mon, you can do it–we’ll even help you.

Stop pushing buttons! What is it about technology that has so many of you running for the hills? I watched my own mother struggle with figuring out why a DVD player didn’t work for more than two years—turns out it wasn’t even plugged in! How about the recent PIPA & SOPA bills that tried to pass through congress–spearheaded by Boomers wanting to regulate the internet–without having a first idea of what it even is. If you don’t understand something don’t simply assume it is evil.

A special kind of lunacy. Okay, now I will cry “havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war. Here’s a handy quick reference guide that is sure to alienate any closed-minded troglodyte still living in a world that has already left you at the station. Ready to be offended? Great! Here we go:

1. The world isn’t “going to hell in a hand basket” it’s just changing. Like it always has.

2. The mentally handicapped and socially challenged aren’t “retards”, they’re “people.”

3. Jesus Christ (the man) was NOT white. How do I know? Let’s try a fun exercise, just point out the last person NATIVE to the Middle East that was blonde and blue-eyed. If you were wrong about that, what else could you have been wrong about concerning religion? I’ll await your findings…

4. If you don’t approve of Gay marriages, don’t have one.

5. If you don’t like abortions, don’t get one.

6. Fun fact! You cannot see Russia from any point in Anchorage Alaska (distance between
Anchorage and the Russian shoreline is about 700 miles–that’s like seeing Atlanta from New York City—Fail!)

7. Stop saying you’re loosing the country. You’re not. You’re gaining new countrymen–whose taxes BTW, are paying your retirement. (Yes they ARE paying taxes.)

8. Modern music doesn’t suck just because you have no ear for it. It’s just variants of Jazz, Swing, The Blues, Hip Hop, Folk, Country and a little thing called Rock and Roll. They said all the same stuff to all of those music forms as well. Connecting any dots?

9. The second you catch yourself saying, “Pfft. That’s dumb–!” to any new technology or gadget you don’t understand; Congratulations! You have officially been left behind and you’re opinions no longer matter!

10. If you’re offended by movie content–don’t go to the movies. If you’re rattled by TV shows, well, there’s this little device with LOTS of buttons on it called a remote control–fascinating little invention. Guess what it does?
I apologize to any Boomer who is truly open-minded, and there are quite a number of you. This rant is NOT leveled at you. Recent events in the news and life have pushed my ability to tolerate racist, right wing religious fanaticism past the point of no return. If you can no longer be reasonable, then it’s time for you to go away. Don’t be sad, it was a good run. We’ll be picking up the pieces made from the fallout of your blunders for decades. But now, sadly, it’s time to close up shop. Choose your destination and away with you. Buh-bye.

I wrote this blog because our children are watching–my children are watching. If you don’t like what I have to say then please, go write your own blog. That is, when you learn how this whole inter-web thingy works.


  1. LOL!

    This post is fantastic! I read regularly and this is one of the best so far. I didn't realize I am Generation X...kinda nice really considering I always wanted to be a cool mutant...:-)

    1. Thanks, D! Just time to call out what we're all thinking–!