This just in: Dads aren’t dimwits.

I have noticed recently that Dads in the media are portrayed increasingly as dolts, dummies and dimwits. This post is going to attempt to alter the course of that nonsense.

How dare you!

As a single Dad to four teens, I have been the grounding voice of discipline, authority, wisdom and common sense in lives of my kids. I'm their Rock of Gibraltar. Now, I'm pretty damn far from perfect. But I can cook, I can clean, I am college educated and I'm the holder of all the highest high-scores in the family. I have the best jump shot and make the best omelet in the house. (butter, not oil).

Sit down, dummy. According to TV, women get the job done better.

So why does Hollywood, TV and advertising portray Dads as clueless dolts and dopey dudes who can barely tie their own shoes, know nothing about fashion and can’t boil a pot of water without their wife or girlfriend? Give me a brake! I'm the first to admit, women offer an amazingly diverse perspective on everything from raising kids to shopping to running a household. I cherish every suggestion my girlfriend has offered over the years. But that's not because I'm some doofus who wouldn’t be able to function without some woman telling him what to do. 

I know how to iron, I know how to tie a half-windsor, I know how to bake bread, I’ve made lobster croquettes and bake a mean lemon cake (yes with lemon-shards and ground vanilla). As a classically trained artist, I can paint, build furniture, organize color schemes and cook better than most women I know. So sorry Hollywood, I’m pounding an angry fist on the BS button on your views of men!

Double tuning the carbondifibulometer with a 3” torque ratchet… thingie. 

I played organized softball, volleyball, football and basketball. I bench-press a considerable portion of my 270+ pounds. I do indeed, enjoy watching sports. Pretty manly stuff, right? But lift the hood of an automobile engine, and you might as well be showing me the operating schematics to a rocket propulsion system. In arabic. Backwards. Upside down. In short, I'm lost. 

I understand (fundamentally) how internal combustion works. But that's as far as it goes. I know nothing, repeat, noting about cars. I did not spend time as a grease monkey, huddled under a hood or a cranked ’72 Chevy Bartooga (or whatever) learning why the chronic flan-ger-ator doesn’t syphon off properly. With today’s computer-driven cars and repair systems, this seems completely unnecessary to me. 

Dad or bust.

Given the mixed messaging from society and the media, men have an increasingly convoluted picture about what it means to be a man. Or a father. Actually its really quite simple. Mothers give a caring, nurturing and loving perspective to life. And so does a man. A woman can have patience, compassion and emotionally ground. And so does a man. What women CANNOT show a child, is what it means to be man. To be there, to be engaged, to be a stern voice of authority when necessary, to show both daughters and sons what manhood really means. To take care of business, problems and your family. 

So, Hollywood, take out your notepads. Anyone can lay down and make babies. The real test of manhood is to stand up and take care of them. Everything else is a careful mix of common sense, fear, intelligence, lede expereince and blind guesswork. We all trip, stumble and make mistakes. Just admit when you’re wrong, apologize for any mistakes and pain you have caused, hold your head up and persevere when you would rather quit. I don't need a woman to help me with any of that. 

So that’s what it means to be a father and to be a man, according to me. Its not easy but its pretty simple, right? That's because it.

P.S., For the record, my Dad was never around. Which taught me the #1 most important part of being a Dad. Being there. 

Atlanta Got Conned

Last week, the city of Atlanta was conned. It was a sight to behold. The city's beleaguered police, first responders and order-keepers did their best but in the end, they were overwhelmed. More than 200 Klingons led the unbelievable array of out-of-this-world invaders. Close to one hundred Cylons, more than 300 members of the infamous 501st legion and scores of super heroes, aliens, ghouls goblins, wizards, elves, robots, Trekkies and Wookies.

And one bewildered single Dad from Phoenix, AZ along with one of his bestest buds from Sarasota, FL.

Go ahead and scoff (the closed-minded always do) but DragonCon 2013 was incredible. The freaks, the cosplay, the devilish costumes and whacked-out geekoids were out in full force and ominously everywhere—and that was just the airport!

DragonCon reported that more than 57,000 tickets were sold to attendees for the event. Last Saturday over 80,000 people came out to watch the DragonCon parade. There just aren't enough Geeks in Georgia to line the streets of Atlanta with that may excited bodies. Which means everyone went. 

No really, everyone?

To quote Gary Oldman in the classic crime thriller Léon (also known as The Professional here in the US); "Evvrrryyyyyoonnneee!"

Families. Grandmas, Moms and Dads pushing strollers, adolescents, teens and tweens. Burly beer swillen' dudes. Jocks. Dweebs. Punks. Chumps. Actors and actresses. Everyone was there and having a great time.

It used to be that if you liked comic books, fantasy, science fiction or anything related, you were a nerd, a geek or a weirdo. You were harassed. Maybe even beat up. I certainly was. But in Atlanta this past weekend, it was crystal clear, the world has taken a turn–and I would argue–for the better.

Share whatever negative opinion you have about geek culture–we have arrived. We now rule movies, TV, Hollywood, the Internet and the imagination of the world at large and of generations to come. And for at least this past weekend... the entire city of Atlanta. Not digging on geek culture? How's it feel to be in the minority? As the song goes; "...welcome to the new age". As for those that had some snarky comments to share about geek culture, we apologize but we simply couldn't hear you last weekend.

After all, a crowd of more than 80,000 of us "weirdos" were too busy having fun to hear your snide, judgmental remarks. Why not join us next time? We'd love to make it 80,001.

BUSTED!

"Can you hear me now?!"

Modern technology helps tip me off to what my children are REALLY up to!

While I am not convinced that the end of days is coming (it is 2012 after all), I am convinced that our world has changed so drastically, so quickly, that we all are left reeling to try and keep up and to stay at least one step ahead of the perils of modern technology.

And now, my kids can say the same.

Three recent events have put my kids on high alert status–and seriously has them looking over their shoulders. Not for big brother, but for Big Poppa!

"I love it when you call me Big Poppa.."

No not the ghost of The Notorious B.I.G. (R.I.P.), no today's tech in the hands of plugged in, hyper connected, digitally aware hi-tech parent hasn't had kids this scared since the dreaded parent/teacher conference. Check out these three instances of on-line detective work from yours truly that has all four of kids copping plea bargains for getting caught in the act.

Busted Case Study #1: A revealing set of Hooters. Recently during a school vacation week, my daughter Jessica and and one of her younger brothers, Antonio asked if they could go to the Phoenix (AZ) Art museum with some friends. Wednesday afternoons are free admission and it seemed like a good way to get them out of my house and suck up someone else's AC for a change. What they neglected to share was that they were also meeting a number of Jessica's (High School-aged) friends for a birthday party at Hooter's in Downtown Phoenix, followed by playing in the elevator banks of several downtown Phoenix office towers. How did Dad find out? Her friends posted the revealing set of pics on FaceBook and tagged her and her brother in the photos. Nailed!

Busted Case Study #2: Boxed in by XBOX. I have the family's XBOX 360 in my bedroom under lock and key, so that my children don't all out destroy it. Presently my family has lost a Wii, an (original, black) XBOX console and a PSP all in the span of a few months. Electronics cringe when one of my children are nearby.

Recently, while updating my iPhone XBOX App, I noticed that the APP had  shown that my 14-year-old son's identity was active online–while I was at work! I called him to ask why and he denied any wrong doing, but then suddenly, not only did his cell phone conveniently "die" at that very moment, but his status changed instantly from ONLINE to OFFLINE. He had later confessed that he and his siblings broke into my room and had been playing the game for months. Gotcha!

"Oh, hi Dad! This oh, uh... it's research–!"

Busted Case Study #3: Where's all my lotion? Internet access is quite limited at this single Dad's house since young, impressionable minds (and fingertips) are far too curious to be left to their own devices and (ahem) destinations. On those few occasions when I trusted my imperial progeny to 'do the right thing' I was treated to a tidal wave of sexy naughtiness and fornication service requests on my living room browser. When I checked the browser's history–you guessed it–I uncovered a veritable who's who of porn destinations. Since then, internet access has been severely restricted, though the number and frequency of daily showers per boy in my home has tripled.

Oh and I am well aware that they can erase said URL history but you can contact your ISP for a list of destinations recently visited by your computer's ID. Served!

I'm well aware that my children and other family members are reading this blog. And as I am always quick to point out, when you stuff wrong kids, you eventually caught.

So I ask you, is it worth it? Really?